Home > Introduction > A promise.

A promise.

October 25, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

To my brothers,

For too long now, I have decided not to smile at you, not to display my giddy excitement when I see you. My reasons for doing so are plenty.

  • You might think I am hitting on you.
  • I don’t want to seem overly familiar.
  • Worse, you might think I’m hitting on the wonderful boi/grrl/human on your arm.
  • I might come off as…weird.
  • I might not be seen as tough.
  • I really dislike all of these reasons.  So from now on, when I see you, I promise to smile at you.  If you think I’m hitting on you…so what, I probably am.  If I don’t come off as tough…so what, I am.

    All my best,



    Categories: Introduction
    1. October 26, 2010 at 4:22 am

      nice! unfortunately i’m unlikely to bump into you for a smile, but if you’re ever in south africa, i promise to smile back :)

    2. October 28, 2010 at 3:56 pm

      Harrison..omg, I’m there with you.. I want to go up to every butch and say hi, shake their hand, slap them on the back, buy them a beer, swap stories.. but I’ve held out for all those reasons, plus another one: maybe you don’t identify as butch and you’ll be offended that I see you and label you thusly.

      I hate it, why do we have those barriers up? Maybe we should start a movement, at the cost of our feelings or perhaps our noses, but maybe we should start introducing ourselves. Find some opening line, dorky or not, that could communicate that we aren’t hitting on them (unless we are) and not trying to snag their date (we really shouldn’t) and not too weird.. what do you think?

    3. G
      October 31, 2010 at 8:59 pm

      Harrison and Kyle, I’m with you. It makes me nervous to acknowledge anyone too obviously (whatever THAT means) for many of the same reasons, yet I’d be thrilled if I could get that same response. I have a running joke with my friends about how I have STILL never been on the receiving end of the “gay nod,” that brief chin lift of recognition.

      But since I read this the other day, I’ve recommitted to getting over whatever my fears and issues are to be better at reaching out to my community. Thanks for the inspiration.

    4. e
      November 1, 2010 at 2:31 pm

      Dudes! Start nodding! Or maybe an eyebrow lift! Secret gay handshake, come on!

    5. Kaitlin
      November 1, 2010 at 4:18 pm

      I love this commitment you’ve made. Well done! Seeing/acknowledging one another is huge. I can’t wait to hear an update.

    6. November 3, 2010 at 2:45 pm

      I do the chin lift, and usually get a nod or head bob back. But I want more.. so yeah, I guess some of us will have to break through this weird barrier and start a trend

    7. November 5, 2010 at 3:06 am

      I hear you. If we don’t acknowledge and signal approval of each other, who will? It’s infinately better than the fisheye stare I sometimes get from straight folks. Besides I am always flattered when anyone thinks I’m attractive, and I tend to go for other butches or genderqueers.

    8. JB
      November 7, 2010 at 2:56 pm

      This, and the comments, are awesome. I’m not butch, but I have the same hesitation, especially Kyle’s comment about them being offended that I see them as butch if they don’t identify that way.

      I do have an advantage, maybe, in that I can’t quite stop the semi-coy flirting smile when I see a butch, even if I’m not interested. (It’s meant a lot of people have thought I’m interested when I’m not… but I can safely say that’s only been a bad thing once, and I’ve done it a LOT. So, from my experience, if they think you’re flirting it’s okay. ;-D)

      Anyway, I heartily support this. It’s nice to be known and acknowledged.


    9. November 7, 2010 at 10:38 pm

      I actually today at dinner was able to do this successfully for the first time. And DUDES, ze smiled back. Awesome.

      G, I also have never gotten a gay nod, which serves as a running joke among me and my friends as well.

    1. No trackbacks yet.

    Leave a Reply

    Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

    WordPress.com Logo

    You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

    Google photo

    You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

    Twitter picture

    You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

    Facebook photo

    You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

    Connecting to %s

    %d bloggers like this: