Home > FtB > Affirmations.

Affirmations.

Or, things I repeat to myself, very often:

You are beautiful as you are.  But you can feel beautiful AND want your body to change.

You can always speak about your experiences regarding the topic at hand, even if it is foreign to the straight people you are with.  It is okay to feel bad or awkward while doing it, but: it is not bad or awkward.

If someone mistakes your girlfriend for your friend, you may correct them immediately and not feel bad for doing so.

It is okay to feel totally at ease doing something traditionally masculine.  It is okay to feel totally dysphoric while doing something traditionally feminine.

It is okay to feel dysphoric while doing something traditionally masculine.  It is okay to feel perfectly comfortable while doing something traditionally feminine.

You can turn down sex, or a portion of sex, no matter what, for any reason, and it does not mean your relationship is broken or that you aren’t a good partner.

It is okay to pay for your date.  It is her right to refuse to be paid for.

Your opinions about sports deserve to be heard!

Refusing to be sexually harassed does not make you an angry, man-hating dyke.

You can take pride in your home.  There is nothing embarrassing about that.

A balanced diet means one that balances your physical needs – kale and strawberries – and your emotional needs – buffalo wings and falafel.

It is okay to compromise your fashion choices to please those around you. It is NOT okay to compromise your sense of self.  If the two intersect, power to the latter.

I am butch, and no straight person can take that away from me, by telling me that my short hair works because I am so feminine in other ways.  I am butch, and no queer person can take that away from me, by telling me that butches don’t wear the clothes I wear.  I am butch, and no one can take that away from me.

I am sure I will add more.  In the meantime, your turn.

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Categories: FtB
  1. me
    July 8, 2010 at 7:49 am

    i am butch + i can define that any way i wanna :)

    • July 8, 2010 at 3:04 pm

      I am X and I can define that any way I want to!, where X = any identity
      I can define myself any way that I want to!
      I am butch! I am butch! I am butch!

  2. Jolie
    July 8, 2010 at 11:30 am

    Being wrong is not the same thing as being a bad person!

    • July 8, 2010 at 3:04 pm

      Yes yes yes! I fall prey to this mistaken assumption too too often.

  3. July 8, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    Love love love love love this. So much. So many of yours are things I should say to myself too. (The balanced diet thing is OH SO TRUE.)

    Here’s one of mine:
    I can wear short skirts and fishnets and high heels and red lipstick and STILL tell a man who’s staring and whistling and getting too close to me like he owns me to fuck off because I’m NOT “asking for it.”

    Another one:
    What I “should” be doing at any given time is the thing that I most feel like doing.

    • July 8, 2010 at 3:06 pm

      I am never asking for “it” ever. I used to encounter so much street harrassment. I used to need that one a lot more. Just because you are outside does not mean you are asking for it.

      My obligations are first and foremost to myself.

  4. July 9, 2010 at 3:37 am

    Wow, what a beautiful post. Thank you for writing it.

    Some things I would add is:

    My pronouns are important and I can insist on them. My identity is still valid/mine/real even while others de-gender me.

    Self-care is important, even if that means watching too much project runway.

    and do whatever it takes to survive with your spirit intact.

  5. kalisisrising
    July 11, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    “do whatever it takes to survive with your spirit intact” – this one is awesome.

    Great list Harrison. And your comment about your obligation being first and foremost to yourself, that one is a gem!

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