Home > Uncategorized > Connection.

Connection.

I should know better than to talk about sex with straight people, or maybe I should say people who don’t use strap-ons, because I know plenty of straight-loving people who would never to deign to suggest that there’s no connection between me and my cock.  I was catching up with an old friend and in the conversation, we talked a little bit about sex – would you ever do this, or that? And it came up that she’d had a threesome with a dude and his girl.  Apparently, she wasn’t that into the girl.  Fair ’nuff, but I suggested she try doing that again, with a real live queer girl.  I thought it might make a difference.  I thought she should try it with a girl who was strapping it on.  We were just talking fun and games, until someone we were with said, “No, I don’t think I could do that, there needs to be a connection.”

Excuse me?

I slipped into bed late last night, next to my girlfriend, who was sleeping, naked, covered by a sheet.  We started spooning and I put my arm around her.  And I don’t know, she just felt sweet.

It’s a funny thing, when I say I get hard.  I guess someone who didn’t know any better, didn’t know about butch cock, would say there’s no way to tell when that happens to me.  No embarrassing boners in middle school P.E., right?  My girlfriend, she always, always knows.

She pressed back into me, and let out a sigh, and let me know she could feel that I was hard, that I wanted her, that she wanted me.  Connection.

Cerebrally, I guess it makes no sense.  That I have to get out of bed and put on my penis and sometimes go to the bathroom and wash it, and make sure it’s sitting right on my hips, before I get back in bed.  And it’s just a thing that I do, right, it’s just a way to get HER off, not a way for us to have mutually, insanely gratifying sex.  Surely I don’t get anything out of this, because there’s just no connection. Right?

Last night, I tied her hands behind her back and made her suck my cock.  That to me is the craziest thing of all – I should have absolutely no basis for moaning when she does that, but I can feel it, so suck it.  Then, after I’d gotten bored of that, I hooked her leg around my hip, and entered her slowly from behind and on her side, to keep the bed from squeaking because – oh my god, tonight is my last night in an apartment with roommates – I have to be quiet.

I don’t know, I can feel everything.  How wet she is.  How tight she is.  I just can. I don’t know why.  It feels really good.

With apologies to my readers who know me in real life, and thus probably find a frank discussion of my sex life to be a dash squicky.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. June 3, 2010 at 8:50 am

    Thank you for this fantastic, honest, right-on post. A) Glad to see you posting again– missed ya! B) I like feeling like part of this brotherhood. I don’t have a ton of offline butch bros to talk about this stuff with, and reading this makes me feel less alone/freakish.

    You kick ass. Enjoy the new apartment :)

    • June 3, 2010 at 12:41 pm

      Yes, I’m much the same. I definitely need this space because it’s one of the few in my life where I can feel safe saying “I am butch” and talking about what that means for me.

      Oh my god the new apartment, only 28 hours left until I’m in it and kissing its sweet, sweet walls of solitude.

      Thank you, you kick ass too!

  2. June 3, 2010 at 10:25 am

    “…but I can feel it, so suck it.” Ha! Nicely put.

    And, yeah, there’s *totally* a connection. I was never that into the idea of strap-ons until I was with my girlfriend now, because for her, it’s an extension of her, a part of her, rather than just a “toy” or an accessory. So, while I don’t ever really crave being fucked by a strap-on, I *super* crave being fucked by her cock.

    Same thing, some people probably say. But it’s totally not. I know better!

    • June 3, 2010 at 12:40 pm

      Every once in a while, I applaud myself for a particularly clever turn of phrase. This is one of those times!

      It’s sort of the nature of the “device”, isn’t it? It’s attached to somebody! I also wasn’t really into strap-on sex either, previous to my current girlfriend. This is sort of a lie, because I’ve only really had sex with one other person, and when we tried strap-on sex, I liked it. But she didn’t, cause it didn’t feel “real”. Ugh. What a funny word, “real”.

  3. SBJ
    June 3, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    Hurrah, I liked this post a bunch.

    This: “And I don’t know, she just felt sweet.”

    I don’t know how to describe it really, either, except to say that it’s fantastically, deliciously complex, entangled with and without myriad strap-ons; accoutrement, dizzying possibilities hanging on the firings of this or that synapse, in tandem with or dangerously broken from hers. A mystery with the same heady, sated ending, every time. Need a connection? Sugar, it’s the untangling you’ll have trouble with. TRUST.

  4. June 3, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    This was hot, honest, and not at all squicky. I was listening to a Dan Savage podcast today and heard him say (once again) that strap on cocks don’t have nerve-endings, don’t convey sensation to the wearer. I wish he would ask a cock-identified dyke about this… I tknow he would get an entirely different story.

    • June 4, 2010 at 8:30 am

      I find that people whose penises are permanently attached to them are the most likely to say I can’t feel anything through my dick. Look, just because it feels DIFFERENT doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel GREAT. Furthermore, mine is bigger, I never lose my hard-on, and I can go for hours. I was surprised that my friend (a straight, cis-woman) said that because normally when I’m talking to girls, they see the inherent logic of my dick being fabulous.

      I’m glad you liked it. According to my stats page, this was a popular post. I may try my hand at more erotic writing.

  5. Jolie
    June 4, 2010 at 10:53 am

    Wow.

    Yes, and yes, and yes again – the “connection” is the point.

    This isn’t something I’ve ever even tried discussing with a straight friend (as me, queer and femme that I am, I just don’t do much of that), especially not after I’ve had such mixed reactions from my “lesbian” circle of friends. Lesbian, in quotes, because they don’t identify as queer, they identify as lesbian. It’s an important distinction to them.

    From my perspective, and in my experience, good sex is mental and emotional as much as it is anything else. Which should NOT be taken to mean that the “connection” is all in your head. I don’t care who you’re doing, or how you’re doing it. Being present is the point. I firmly believe that butches, through their “connection” to their cock, probably could teach most straights a lesson or two in being present in the moment.

    Just my two cents… I’ll shut up now, or maybe write my own damn post on the matter. In the meantime, I think maybe more erotic writing might be a welcome addition. You definitely have a way with words!

  6. June 4, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Excellent post and brilliantly said. I understand exactly what you’re saying. I would never have thought a connection would be there but my god it is.

    • June 4, 2010 at 3:04 pm

      No, on behalf of femmes everywhere – *thank* god it is.

  7. femmeismygender
    June 4, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    AMEN TO THAT! :-) fimg X

  8. June 4, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    And I’ll chime in on the reality and authenticity of both butch cock and the connection we have with our strap-ons. Ok, Dan Savage, I don’t have nerve endings out there, but damn if I don’t feel it and get off when my girlfriend gives me a blowjob.. she’s feeling it for sure and, we strap-on types know if you do it right, your clit becomes engaged in the action too.

    My butch cock gets hard and when I’m feeling it strongly, my lover feels it too and we’ve had some pretty intense sex without strapping anything else on. She tells me she can feel me inside her and damned if I can’t feel her squeezing on me.

    Mutual belief is a powerful thing, my friend, and there’s nothing unreal about the orgasms.

  9. G
    June 4, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    I tend to think that those with permanent penises (that phrase cracks me up!) and those who have sex with them tend to emphasize the biological part and downplay the mental, emotional AND physical connection that takes place, the “You can’t possibly have what we have” club.

    Well, pardon me, but I’d rather my cock be optional and have better-than-unicorns sex than a physical birthright that gets taken for granted. A straight friend of mine told me she bets sex with a strap-on is SO MUCH BETTER because we pay attention, as opposed to her experience of being with guys who shift into autopilot mode.

    Nice post.

    • June 5, 2010 at 11:11 am

      G, I agree, those having sex with permanent penises have something different, but that doesn’t mean it’s better than what we have. The mental, emotional and physical connection that can be achieved with a strap on, or without, is amazing. I become so focused, so tuned into my lover that the connection is not just there, it’s amazingly strong. Once upon a time, I wished I had a permanent cock, but now I’m really glad I have what I have.

  10. femmeismygender
    June 5, 2010 at 3:43 am

    Coming back to say that having been married to someone with a ‘permanent penis’ in a previous life (thanks G) and now being married to H with zir Butch cock I can tell ya, the difference in skill and attention (plus all the other benefits size, hard on, can go on and on etc) is truly awesome. GeekPornGirl was absolutely right in that Butches could teach most straights a thing or two (or three, four, five…..)

  11. Jolie
    June 5, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    What FIMG and GeekPornGirl said. Exactly.

    From also having been married to a ‘permanent penis’ (thanks G from me, too, because I’m totally swiping that phrase for future use somewhere), they couldn’t have hit that nail on the head any more accurately.

    The connection, I’ll say again, is the point. And good lord, when it’s there – let’s just say heat stroke becomes a serious health concern. Hydration and safety measures also need to be taken into consideration. ;-)

  12. kaitlin
    June 6, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    i LOVED this post.

    i’m totally new to experiencing strap-on cock but i can most definitely say that my partner has an attachment/connection with her cock. it’s unfortunate that people can’t understand how a connection can be there. it seems like such a duh moment to me that a butch (or whomever) would feel attached to her cock.

    i loved this part, “I don’t know, I can feel everything. How wet she is. How tight she is. I just can. I don’t know why.”

  13. June 7, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    I am so glad so many people liked this post!

    I just want to step in to say that I don’t really think that the connection is better or worse regardless of how detachable your dick is. I think from both sides of the aisle there is a tendency to say, “Um, I’m sorry…there’s no way YOUR sex can possibly ever be better than my earth shattering, mind blowing, anything blowing, amazing, wonderful sex.” I also don’t really think that any type of person has better or worse sex (assuming they have sex at all). The way that vanilla people eye kinky people by going, “Why do you need all these toys? Your sex must not be very good.” and kinky people say, “Where are all your toys? Your sex must not be very good.” As G said, the “You can’t possibly have what we have” club. I realize most people who commented here know this already.

    Simply, as I thought about my sentiments more away from this post, I realized that my pattern of thought was “My dick is better than a bio one; how dare you say it’s not?!”. I’d like to step away from that, as I’d rather have confidence in my cock confidence, without belittling someone else’s cock. Instead, “My dick is the best one that I could have for me, and it gives me similar, though likely different, things than yours does.”

  14. SBJ
    June 7, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    Great. Now all I can hear is that one Detachable Penis song! Make it stop!

    • June 9, 2010 at 12:20 pm

      I’m surprised you’re the first person who mentioned it!

  15. June 22, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    love, love, love this post. yes. i can feel when a girl is hard. for me. and she knows it.

  16. me
    June 25, 2010 at 7:12 am

    The clitoris + the penis have the same root, are basically the same biological thing in some ways. And both have erectile tissue. Nothing against anyone wanting to use a binary male appendage to describe their experience, but the way it works for me is that my clit gets hard and swollen + strong – and I ejaculate too. It isn’t male for me. I don’t think its particularly female. Its a butch dyke thing for me perhaps. Shrug.

  17. Grateful Femme
    July 26, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    I am very grateful for this post even if my comment is a bit late.

    As a femme-identified queer girl who is new to the world of lesbian sex I have always been fascinated with my girlfriend’s connection with her cock. At first I was a little hesitant in regards to the reciprocity of pleasure because while I knew that her strapping it on was a turn-on for me, I wasn’t sure if she got the same level of sensation from it. You did a really great job in putting in to words (in a ridiculously erotic way) the sensation as my girlfriend has tried to explain it to me.

    Also, I just have to add that I don’t think there is anything hotter than knowing when a girl is hard for you and able to manifest that physically with her cock.

  1. June 14, 2010 at 8:58 pm
  2. August 15, 2010 at 5:58 pm

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