January 15, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

I think inertia is one of the most pernicious enemies that humans deal with.  I realize that it’s a physical law of the universe, but I think it applies to a lot of other situations.  It’s the force that leaves all your clothes on the floor for a week and starts disorganizing your papers.  It’s what keeps you inside on a Saturday night despite the fact that friends invited you out.  It’s what makes you remain stagnant and unchallenged.

I know that they say that you’ll never remember all those speeches you hear at your graduations.  Well, they’re right.  But I do remember the speech a teacher of mine gave at my high school Senior Banquet.  He didn’t mention inertia specifically, but he did discuss potential.  He was moving across the country to follow his wife’s career and be a stay-at-home dad.  He said that as human beings, we all have the potential to achieve great things.  They might not necessarily be recognized by the world at large, but consider it.  You could write a book, a blog (heyyy), a song, you could paint a painting.  You could run a marathon.  And these things wouldn’t be amazing…you might not be the first one to do it.  But at least you’d be fully realizing your potential as a human being.

I think about that speech a lot.  Especially on the days when I feel inertia trying to keep me in bed.  Furthermore, I think about that speech in relation to gender.  I don’t want to keep juggling this double life that I’ve got right now.  I’m butch in my personal life, but at work, where I spend most of my time, I’m someone else.  Someone who is recognized as butch, but who can’t fully be.  In short, I’m not realizing my potential, and I think it’s due to inertia.  Why change my wardrobe if my pants still fit?  Why risk the impression that people have of me as a “reasonable queer”?  Why do anything differently?

I mean, I know the answers to these questions: to be happy, to be yourself, to be butch, which you love.  To love yourself.  But I’m not exactly unhappy with the way things are.  Just indifferent and resigned.

Though, I guess that that isn’t exactly a fulfillment of my potential either.  Is it?

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