The Guy Code
A story: At a party that I was not at, my girlfriend starts to get hit on by this guy. Not being interested, she turns him down by ignoring him at first, using body language in the hopes that he’ll go away. This, as you might guess, doesn’t work. He makes it even more obvious that he is attracted to her, she states explicitly that she is not interested. Then she says she is gay. He seems disbelieving. She informs him that yes, she is gay, she has a girlfriend. He seems further disbelieving. “Oh yeah, what’s her name?” She gives him my name. His face goes white, and he walks away.
Turns out I work with the guy.
I know what I think/feel: equal parts anger, amusement, and a sense of injustice. Anger because “WHAT THE FUCK MAN. YOU HIT ON MY GIRL.” Amusement because it’s a funny story. And a sense of injustice because he should have just paid attention when she said “No” in the first place. I mean, I feel kind of special that my name is what made him stop, but the thing that should have made him stop is her disinterest, not me. According to the Guy Code, he did everything right – stopped when he found out he was hitting on a girl already spoken for.
I’m conflicted by my feminism – what happened really happened between the two of them and I shouldn’t insert myself as my girlfriend’s protector – and my sincere desire to protect not only my girlfriend, but other women as well. He should have stopped when she said “No”, and I want to tell him that. Pointedly. With a lot of glaring.